What I've come to understand over several years is that "the most wonderful woman in the world" that my wife was when she was sober was her attempt at making up for the pathetic, angry, self-pitying drunk she was the majority of the time she wasn't at work.
She was, is, and always shall be who she is, and who she is an entire person. Not pieces I get to pick and choose. It turns out I'm the same. Most of the time I'm a pretty good guy with a wonderful sense of humor, but occasionally an ******* control freak emerges who also has delusions of grandeur at the same time as he is manifesting an inferiority complex (only my wife and daughter know this-- everybody else thinks I'm swell). I am, and always shall be who I am, and I am an entire person.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak