Thread: So sad
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:12 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
NBK
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 9
I've been feeling kind of guilty all day because of something that happened about 2 1/2 weeks ago. ABF was doing the dry drunk thing and just started raging on me (my son was with his dad thankfully). It was a Saturday and all day I tried to stay out of his way because I just had a feeling he was going to flip out. So I was quietly watching TV and he just started screaming at calling me his vile names again (*****, ****, stupid, idiot, moron, everything is always my fault, etc...). I didn't respond, just kept watching TV. He grabs the remote and turns off the TV and says "I'm talking to you!" I calmy responded no, you're not talking to me, you're screaming at me & I went into the bedroom. He followed me in and continued his rant. But the more I ignored him (which isn't easy because he is the loudest person I've ever met in my life!) the angrier he got. I could feel my blood boiling and I got so angry and just wanted him to stop. I got up and walked up to him as he's screaming at me and I slapped him across the face. But I guess I don't know my own strength because blood started pouring out of his nose. All I did was slap him -I didn't punch him. I know I should have just grabbed my keys and gone to the mall or something when I felt myself get so angry, but I wasn't feeling well that day and all I wanted to do was rest. Next thing I know he's crying (!!!) like a big baby! OMG! He's crying saying that I'm violent and how he didn't do anything to deserve that slap because he's never laid a hand on me. I didn't respond and we didn't speak to each other for the rest of the weekend. When we finally did speak to each other a few days later, I apologized for slapping him (was that dumb of me?) and attempted to explain that I had lost my cool because I was pushed to my limit. But of course, it's just about him and the pain I caused him.

I know I shouldn't have stooped to that level, but it was like this horrible rage exploded in me and all I wanted him to do was shut up. So now I feel guilty about it, thinking I'm as bad as he is. But I want to say again, he has never been physically abusive with me, and I've never slapped anyone before in my whole life. I still can't believe that I slapped him.

I really hate this disease.
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