MG, when my ex was in the hospital and things were looking grim, I made it a point to get to some Al-Anon meetings. It was good just to be around others I didn't have to be "strong" for. It really helped keep me from going off the deep end.
I did have a meltdown at work one day--I was still working half-days until visiting hours started. I'd asked one of my colleagues to cover something in court for me (I'd helped both of them out in the past when one person was on his honeymoon and the other had something else going on). They both said no, and I screamed at them and threw files on the floor. That is SO not me. But you're right, it leaks out one way or another.
Hugs, hope you get some hopeful news soon.