When we love someone and feel we have a duty to look after them, it seems wrong to say no and do "tough love". They've also set that framework up for themselves, of course.
The first time I said "NO" in any kind of real way, once I realised I was enabling my AW, i felt like I might as well have stabbed her, I felt so bad.
Shortly after I realised I had done the right thing, for me, but also for her. It actually worked out.
That gave me the confidence to take a stand again and again. It was amazing that i realised I was helping her but taking that tough stand, and yes, in a way I had done her and my kids a disservice by not doing it sooner.
You will know you are moving forward when you stop obsessing about what she has been taking and wher she hides it. after the obvioud things like safety of kids, you will just examine what roll you are playing and if your reactions are counterproductive to her finding her bottom and getting help.
It seems they all have to hit bottom and most of us have a hard time lowering them in there.