Shellcrusher,
Thank you for sharing your story! Writing it down here is like saying it out loud. This forum is a blessing, and every time I've taken a hard step in my journey, writing it down and "saying it loud" here on this board has been very cathartic and affirming. I hope that it will be the same for you.
It sounds like you have recognized the problem, and I applaud you for taking steps to take care of yourself and your son. Denial is big for both alcoholic and co-dependents, so you should be proud of yourself for refusing to just live in denial. You and your son deserve better than the chaos of living with an alcoholic, and you are on the right path to that healthier living.