I know it is easier said than done, and it makes more work for you, more resentment for you, and in the end, you are the one who really changes YOUr life because she cannot put her kids first, BUT, it sounds like you KNOW what you have to do.
Even if she starts on the road to recovery, she sounds in enough denial and still in enough of the addiction cycle that it is going to be a long journey.
In the meantime, perhaps you could take a leave, an extended leave (I may be naive about what is allowed in the military due to family emergency), but, Those boys need to be kept out of danger and harms way.
She has shown that she has bad to no judgement when it comes to them and their safety. The drugs alter her enough that she is sexting strangers.
I also feel like YOU deserve the headspace to unravel. You sound like you are going to crack under the pressure of the resentment.
First step suggested is Alanon.
You have every right to feel this way, but alanon kind of points to the sickness that we non addicts involved with active users get tangled up in. That sickness is anger and resentment, co dependency, overwhelming pressure to pick up the slack.
It SUCKS> I feel for you.
I have a sons dad who left me holding the bag with our 6 year old for the first 5 years of his life.
A is now in sobriety, but he is careless, not too grateful, and it could all crash down at any moment. He is still not that reliable, and he is a projection and transference machine.
She is no longer the woman you married, and she will not be until she is in active long term recovery.
Above all, I hope you find a place, like alanon or a counselor where you can air your frustrations, so they dont eat you up.
You deserve that.
My prayers are with you. Keep looking forward.