(((((Careless)))))
Welcome to SR! You have found a great place with lots of experience, strength and hope (ES&H) from those who have been where you are or are where you are now.
I am glad you found us but sorry for the reasons that you had to.
First the Bad News ............................. you can't help him or 'fix' him. Now the Good News ........................ you can help and 'fix' yourself!
Read the 'stickys' at the top of this forum and others. Read some of the threads and the responses. Ask questions, we will answer with what worked for us. If 'love' could cure our A's none of us would be here, obviously it can't.
Please check out some AlAnon meetings in your area (at least 6) to find some that you seem halfway comfortable in. AlAnon is a great face to face support system for YOU. You may also find that you would like some private counseling, so check around your area, many therapist have a 'sliding scale fee system' so that they are affordable. Try and find one that specializes in addiction therapy.
One of the first things you will learn is:
You didn't Cause this.
You can't Control this.
You can't Cure this.
That was a hard one for myself and others to accept but it is true.
Next, pull up your keyboard and rant, vent, scream, cry, and laugh. We are here for you and we do understand. Some of us are called "double winners" (myself included). Those are folks that first recovered from their alcoholism and have years of sobriety and then went to work on their codependency issues.
You might also want to get yourself a copy of "Co Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, it is available on Amazon at a very reasonable cost, and start reading it with a highlighter in hand to highlight what pops out at you. Then go back and right about what you highlighted. Then read it again with a different colored highlighter and do the same, you get the idea, lol as we grow and change, different passages take on different meanings to us.
Again, please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much!
Again welcome!!!!
Love and hugs,