Dear Falling, I am so sorry for the loss of your father, please be gentle with yourself as you grieve.
before I met my husband I went out with a cocaine addict, I was besotted with him, he treated me badly, was incapable of being faithful, he lied, cheated, blah, blah, blah. We were together for 4 years. After about 3 years I was talking to a close male friend about how the first 6 months were good and I didn't really know what was going wrong since, and he turned to me and said "6 months of good is a really short time you know, anyone can do 6 months of good at the beginning of a relationship, you don't even know each other, why are you still with him now you know what he's really like?" and I thought PFFTT! what do you know? not everyone can meet miss-perfect-who-lives-next-door and be fabulously in love 8 years later like you and C are.
so, anyway, older and wiser now I think perhaps he had a teeny bit of a point (maybe).
within a 3 month period you have met, fallen in love with, issued ultimatums about his drinking to, supported the sobriety of, been on the receiving end of ultimatums about your drinking from, and been dumped by "the love of your life". When was the time for the "good bit" that you're hanging onto here?
I have problems misattributing powerful emotions as something to do with "love", these can include lust, pain, loss, fear, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, lostness. You've got alot going on in your life at the moment, much that you need to proccess and work through, perhaps now is not the time to focus on a relationship especially with someone who mistrusts and berrates you at a time you need support and gentle care.