StarCat

The people in Al-Anon understand what you're going through. So do the people on this board. That's good steps to get to the place where someone does understand.


NBK, don't worry about "rambling," all of us here have times when we just need to talk about how we're feeling, and get things "out" into the open in a safe environment where people understand what we're going through.
My XABF is similar when he drinks... I used to say that in the beginning he wasn't so bad and it escalated, but I've been realizing that the drinking is what escalated, and he was always a mean yelling verbally abusive drunk who blamed everything on me.

It's not your fault that you're in this situation. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. His actions are his own actions and completely devoid of anything you do or any love you have for this man.

Mine is the nicest guy in the world when he's sober, at least most of the time. The people at work love him, he leads a bi-weekly prayer meeting / Christian book club, people go to him for advice all the time about everything. Trouble is, when he drinks, he's different, and he takes it all out on me to the point where I can't be around him, and I question everything he's ever told me looking for the lies and manipulation.

His recovery is his, and his lack of recovery is his own decision.
Your recovery is yours, and it sounds like you're ready to do something about it. Al-Anon has helped me immensely, just by proving to me that I wasn't crazy and that other people understood what I was going through.

You are not responsible for him and his recovery. You are responsible for you and your son, and your recovery. You're not alone, you're not crazy, and you can get through this.