Thanks, I have been pouring through the threads. My kids are just babies, 5 and 4, so they do not understand.
I am looking into a local AL-anon chapter, but I have to somehow make it work around her meetings if she chooses to go, and being transient folks, we have no one to watch the kids in any reliable schedule. That means our meetings have to work around one another.
As for the duration of her stay at the hospital, she was a self referral, not a court mandate, so they only started her on 5 days, and then reevaluated to 7 days. I think she may not be telling them everything that has gone on and is just going through the motions. I forgot to mention, she has a degree in psychology as well... Ironically, the doc in charge of the hospital is her original psych she was seeing here in Charleston that started her on ambien again 3 years ago. If anyone is combating ambien/lunesta, these drugs should be off the shelves. They have ruined as many lives as alcohol. Anyway, both manufacturers say not to take it for more than 7 days, yet docs always give 30-60 day prescriptions, cha-ching!!
I already told Dr. Cole how I feel about him. He dumped her as a patient when the director spot opened up at the hospital. A very caring doctor indeed.
The three Cs are one of my favorite things I have picked up. Mostly because I could never follow them.
You did cause this
you can control this
and you can cure this
For what I do in the military, those same three Cs could be used to describe exactly what I am trained to believe, only get rid of the "not" from each statement.
14 years, almost half of my entire life, spent in the Navy. I have spent years training to always be in control, and take responsibilities for our actions. We are very strict in our protocols, and integrity and accountability are huge. Even if it isn't your fault, you get fired if something happens within your realm of responsibility. The Navy fires Captains every day for things they did not even know about, but they are still held accountable(glory would be complete if politicians were the same way). We are also trained to try and fix everything. I am a certified Critical Incident Stress Management counselor, providing counseling to those that are involved in traumatic events. Once again, more training to try and 'fix' the problem. So for me to follow the 3 Cs is damned near impossible. I understand them and what they mean, but they are so distant from my own beliefs...
It is my fault, I should have thrown her out a few years ago, before it got this bad. Since I did not take action then, that makes me partially responsible for the now.
I can fix this, with the right tools, and time, I can fix anything, including her.
I can control everything in my domain. I pay for this entire household, I do ALL of the chores, I take care of the bills, I schedule everything, I help the kids with homework, I am the superman of fathers, working full time in the Navy and supporting my dead beat wife. I am even finishing my degree right now, taking two classes, coaching tee-ball, and so on. I manage to do all these things, and deal with my AW and none are the wiser. When I talked to my boss, he had no idea about my wife, I was that good at keeping it all covered. I asked for the week off while she was in the hospital, he was floored when I told him why. Only people who knew were her parents, my parents, and some of her friends (not the other drunks, they think there is nothing wrong with her)
Here is the kicker, DSS has been to my house twice in the last year!! One of her friends dimed her out about some stuff a long time ago. Things that I did not believe were true at the time. She passed the random home visits since they were always early in the morning, before she had a chance to hit the bottle. Our kids are fine, she never abuses them physically or emotionally, that is reserved for myself. Her drug test was null and void since she has prescriptions for the pharmacy she has stocked in the bathroom (which has been purged in the last week, I found so many pills hidden, all kinds of places, even inside the toothbrush holder...very clever). That means there was no proof against her. We/she dodged that bullet twice.
The driving around drunk did it for me. AFIK, she had never done that before. Disrespecting me is one thing, endangering my children, that is a whole new ball game. I keeping an open mind, I recognize the anger I have pent up inside, I am aware of my depression, and as long as I am able to recognize my own symptoms, I am already ahead in the game. I know I need help at some point, hence the fact that I found this site. Just reading all these stories is horribly depressing, (slight chuckle at that, my job ultimately is to kill the enemy, but that doesn't bother me, but reading about other people and their ASOs makes me feel bad). I will continue to hope for the best, but plan for the worst.