It just gets worse....
In reading this book, Lundy Bancroft says the abuser has a distorted sense of entitlement.
I have just put 2 and 2 together.
I have a 19 year old daughter who did not live with me when I initially married AH. We saw her together on several occasions. She, nor i, nor anyone around, us felt there was EVER, not even the slightest, sense of sexual temptation, thought, atmosphere, or anything else, when he was around her during these visits.
A year and a half into the marriage, she moved in with us. The dynamic changed immediately. He began to touch her in ways that made me raise my eyebrows and her uncomfortable. I began to watch very closely and called him out on his behavior each time. It was a constant battle of him trying to convince me I was crazy jealous and had imagined these things, and me trying to help him see his sickness...I thought he was a sex addict at one point.....
I NEVER left him alone with her. If I left the house, I informed her and told her to call me if he showed up unexpectedly and to lock the lock we put on her door.
He took a sledge hammer and busted her door in because it had a lock on it and this was his house. He had "rights" to everywhere in it.
On several other occasions, he told me flat out he had "rights" to everything in this house. This is his distorted sense of entitlement.
This would explain why there was no indication of sexual attitude before she came to live with us.
The book also says he wont do anything HE views as morally reprehensible. She was not his daughter. So, in his mind, there was no evil in what he was doing. That mixed with his sense of entitlement......
Two days before I left, he told me he was going to bid on a shift that had the same days off she does. She works overnight so on her nights off she is usually up all night messing around the house. He stays up all night drinking on his nights off.
He was finding ways to be alone with her. Trying to send me off to do things, which I NEVER fell for, thank God. I was going without sleep and sometimes simply could not stay awake. Thankfully, at that time they opposite days off so he had to go to bed for work. He was diligent in that.
But by him switching his shift, he would have time with her.
He had broken me at this point, truly broken me. He was moving slowly toward making a sexual encounter with her happen. One little move at a time, all the while convincing me, I was plain ole crazy. Had I not got us out of there........
I think that is why I lost it that weekend. Beneath the surface, I saw it happening and noone was going to touch my baby. I had protected her for too many years..... I couldn't convince myself I wasn't crazy. I doubted every doubt I had.
I couldn't believe it...that would mean I had to leave...I couldn't admit it to myself consciously...I would lose this fantasy I had built in my mind...how happy we were in it.........
In the end, I lost it...my statement was I can't take anymore not he is fixing to hurt my baby..
Today I know beyond a doubt, my husband was going to defile my baby.
I am sick to my stomach........