welcome!
I'm sure it must be hard to see your son struggle like that!!
It sounds like you know what to do.
The only thing I would be clear with your husband about (in addition) is he can do whatever he wants, but not with your joint money (if you have any) and not in your home. If he has a private account and wants to put your son up at the ritz, more power to him, but set strong boundaries with you and yours.
Hugs, hang in there and keep us updated,
peace