Sorry for all these troubles. I was so glad to see that you love YOU more. That is a wonderful thought to keep holding on to.
Though a lot of things come to my mind, many of them would put me in your business and that's not where I should be. But the most helpful thing I can offer to you is to go to as many different AlAnon meetings as you can. Even if they offer 2 a day. And in those meetings try to connect with people afterwards that you can talk too. Find the winners! People that seem to be successful in working this program. People you'd like to feel like.
I've been in AlAnon a year now. I walked in so ANGRY! Why was I spending time in these rooms when my SIL wasn't even acknowledging he had a problem ?!?! (Dry alcoholic) - just making my daughter and ME miserable. There had never been any alcoholism in my immediate family. And what was all this talk about being grateful?!? I expected to hear people venting about their alcoholic and figuring out how to fix THAT! It took me several months to figure out that just showing up to the meetings, though eventually helpful like you said, wasn't helping me get rid of the anger. I had questions/concerns and I needed tools to deal with this in a healthier way.
All our stories are different I think in urgency, intensity and problems, but the same in that we all have someone who has trouble with alcohol. I know that my best strength, confidence in decision making and personal healing has come from going to the meetings, connecting with people afterwards and the most powerful for me was finding a temporary sponsor. A sponsor will be a Life Line to helping you work thru the program, deal with your anger and help you see what steps YOU should take next.
This forum is also an excellent way to jump on when something is going on in your home and you just want to talk to people that understand. I found it when my kids were here fighting. I couldn't call anyone but I could talk online and no one knew. I got a lot of support, was allowed to vent and even wound up laughing.
Keep coming back. Here and the meetings. Take care.