Hi all,
I have been reading this forum for several months now, and finally feel ready (or have finally reached a point where I'm ready) to post.
I have been with my ABF for a year. He started drinking socially around 14, heavily/regularly a few years ago, and we are both 29 now. Since we have been together, he has managed to give up addictions to vicodin, another opiate, and sleeping pills (clean six months!). Don't mention that to say that I influenced it, but just that he has a good record of getting himself out of trouble.
I love him so much, and can't help but think he is the love of my life. He is never a mean drunk. When he's drunk, he tells me he loves me and he's sorry to put me through this, he falls asleep, or he cries about his lost friends, his depression, and his fear that he will never get better.
We have talked openly over the last year about his drinking. As his only friend that
doesn't drink, I am the first person to ever see that he has a problem. Over the last year, he has admitted that he is an alcoholic, wants to stop drinking, and has made several attempts to quit/cut down, but he ends up back at 6-12 beers a night.
Last week scared me. He called me and told me he was "sick of drinking" and decided to go to an AA meeting. I was proud and excited. I went to his house afterwards, and found him barely able to stand. I told him I was pissed and didn't understand, and left. We didn't talk for a couple of days, and when we did, he told me he went to another meeting after I left. He got the Book, and read it the next day. He called his dad and told him about the drinking, and going to AA. (MAking amends: good!) He said AA was too cultish, and he was creeped out by it, and he could do it on his own. But over the next few days, his physical withdrawls were so scary: "the shakes" anxiety, nausea, vomiting, being miserable. So he self-medicated with beer. I cried and told him I couldn't watch him kill himself. We decided that we needed space and haven't seen each other since. We talked after a week, and he said his cutting down is going well. I told him that I can't see him right now because it will be too hard for me.
The truth is, I am scared of another effort to "cut down" failing, and my heart breaking again. I don't know what to do because I want to support him, but I don't want to "enable" him. I know that I can't control or change his drinking. After last week, with such serious withdrawls, I am convinced that he can never drink "normally" again. He thinks he can. I don't want to leave him, but I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry that was so long and rambling. I guess I don't know what to do or say. It really seems like he is at that critical point where he's ready to quit, and I don't want to abandon him, but I also can't keep doing this forever
