I am not nor have evr been in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic - my ex remains steadfast in his dedication to alcohol-induced oblivion - so pinch of salt on all I say.
Everyone is different, he may be hanging onto his sobriety by a thread, and may continue to need those meetings and self-time for a long time, or forever, or it may ease off, no-one can tell, not even him. He may simply enjoy the excuse to focus entirely on himself, love the company, or be scared of the damage he's done and find interacting with you difficult because of his shame; again there's no way of knowing.
I can't imagine how difficult and frustrating this is for you, still waiting to find out if the relationship will ever be something that you can have your needs met in. What you need out of a relationship is something he can't give right now, and there will be some people who can never hang onto sobriety and be in any intimate relationship, and some who cannot be sober and participate in the relationship that you need. That doesn't make your needs unreasonable or his focus unreasonable.
FWIW looking at those people who seem to be happy in their long term relationships around me, they do appear to put themself first, but are fortunate (or wise) enough to have chosen a partner who does the same AND where their needs complement each other. I wouldn't be happy in some of these relationships, because my needs are different. Some of those I met in alanon had relationships that I would find so "joined together" that I would feel stifled or so seperate that I would feel there was no point, but they seemed happy in them and we all get to define what our own needs are.
the only way to know what the future holds is to get to it, and you get to decide how to spend that time and if at any point you've had enough waiting for the relationship to be one you can feel good in.