My experience
Grizz,
My AH started drinking heavily when she suffered a pretty serious personal crisis, a half bottle a night. Not every night, but often. Over the next 15 years this progressed. Eventually a bottle a day or more. She got so good at hiding her drinking that I sometimes thought that it was kind of a minor miracle that one minute she'd appear to be sober and the next minute she'd be smashed. She had medical problems. She had trouble sleeping. She started missing work so she could stay home and drink.
I hit my bottom about the time she hit hers. I was sick, tired, frustrated and saw everything we owned just slipping away. My AH was on a 13 day bender...I hadn't seen her awake or sober in all that time. I think that it was entirely possible that she might have just faded away, lying there drunk on the couch. For some reason, instead of just walking away...for the first time I reached out for help.
And it was kind of like a miracle, but once I asked for help, people were there to give it to me. Rehab and nine months later we're both better. Much better. She embraced AA, I embraced Al-Anon. For me at least, it really works.
If you feel like you're going a little crazy, well, you probably are. That's what living with an alcoholic does to us. I really recommend Al-Anon. It's free therapy. And it's a gentle program. You'll find people that understand exactly what you're going through. They won't judge you. It's not a religious program (but it is a spiritual program). Give it a try, 6 meetings is a good way to really start to understand what's going on there. And it will help whether your AH is drinking or not.
Good luck to you.