Having lived with an alcoholic wife for the last 20 years, your story sounds very familiar. We seem to be the same, you and I. The alcoholics behavior is very predictable. And the non-alcoholic spouse is just as predictable. We hope, we soul search, we think perhaps it is our fault. But it is not. It is the alcoholics fault. We stay because we love them. But normal people would not stay with an alcoholic. We help them drink more by being around to pick up the pieces. It's what we do. It is similar to a parasite and a host.
My wife progressed to 2+ bottles of wine a day. Passed out on the couch most every night. But she didn't have a problem. She was just tired, she would say. She never really drank much more than 2 bottles. Occasionally 3. She would never admit to that much. She would always say she only drank a couple glasses. I have calculated that she has spent approximately $100,000 of the dollars I have earned in the last 20 years on alcohol. She has not worked since we married. Pretty good gig. This is your future.
My kids and I tried everything. Nothing worked. NOTHING. Let me say that again. Nothing worked. No amount of reasoning with an unreasonable person will make them reasonable.
She will not get better because you ask. And you will spend lots of time trying track consumption and somehow quantify it. This seems to be something we do to try and find the "truth". The truth is the alcoholic spouse drinks and lies very well.
Perhaps my short story is a glimpse into your future. Not pretty. But pretty accurate from where I sit.