...it is heartbreaking to learn the person you thought your significant other to be, in my case my wife, is not that person at all. You can see hundreds of posts here just like yours, all with the theme that "they are the most wonderful person when they aren't drunk."
In your case, you find yourself in a relationship with an alcoholic. This he will always be, whether he is drinking or not. You have a lot of really tough decisions to make, and it's hard for anybody to tell you, specifically, what those decisions need to be.
I can, however, give you this. When I was where you are today, after trying to handle it my way and failing for five years, I finally found Al-Anon. I believe that is where you will find your answers. Try at least six meetings, some different, before deciding if it will work for you. And don't key on the things you don't like as an excuse to not go. Just go.
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Take care,
Cyranoak
P.s. Read this:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pening-me.html