I can relate to what you describe...though I always thought of it more like "through the looking glass". The worst part was knowing that I was at least able to detect my self-denial from time to time; my AW never had those moments of clarity. When you have a 4-day binge, you lose the memory of several days of your life.
I've often seen people talk here about how alcoholism is "progressive," but it's something completely different to look back at my journal of the past two years of her drinking and see the before and after.