Thread: Tolerance
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Old 01-27-2011, 09:13 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
djayr
Lord Have Mercy
 
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 242
Welcome.

I'm sorry to hear about your wife's drinking. What I like about this site, is you can hear other stories that are similar. Like mine.

My wife and I fell in love drinking together and just "having fun" in our mid-20's.

She started drinking more and more over the first 5 years - it was beer, then Zima, then mixers, and then the ultimate killer - Vodka.

It just got worse and worse. I got used to the new "normal", like the passing out, the excuses, the hiding, the lying, the minimizing -- until life just turned into one big embarrassing situation where my wife was under some influence of alcohol, all the time!

I became an expert at patience, tolerance, forgiveness, and long suffering. I thought about my marriage vows and stuck it out "in sickness and in health" and "for better or for worse". My family and friends have supported me through the mental and emotional trauma of 6 hospitalizations, accidents, and other assorted nightmares -- and they basically feel sorry for me.

I feel sorry for me. And I feel sorry for my wife, who started out with "normal" drinking in the early years...and now she is 41 years old and she has been diagnosed with cirrhosis, hepatitis, etc.

Some of the happiest moment of my life have been when she just got out of detox (5 times all together over 10 years) and she is sober and sweet -- the girl I fell in love with.

But long story short, she's presently drinking more than ever, she has taken up with other men and has been unfaithful, and I am finally calling it quits. Divorce papers filed this week -- she should be getting served tomorrow. And I'm scared to death because I don't know what's going to happen.

I learned a lot from Al Anon at your stage of the game. It helped. The concept of detachment -- where you step back and look at the person at a healthy distance, keeping control of your own thoughts and emotions, that is an excellent survival technique.

Pray. Read these stories on this site. They are all true and it boggles the mind how hard good men and women try, to love these alcoholics. I've pretty much given up on mine, although it did take 16 years of marriage and 10+ years of chaos.

Blessings and best wishes!
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