Thanks everyone for your words of welcome and encouragement (whatever that leads to).
We're still talking, trying to hash this out, not coming to any solid conclusions. I'm still sleeping in another room because I can't relax enough to sleep in my own. He's still apologizing. It's really not enough.
I will keep checking here because it helps to know I'm not alone, and those who have not been through this don't get how hard it is. My friend whose husband cheated comes closest to understanding how I feel.
You lovely, supportive SR people really get it. Thanks.