The details might be different, but ALL of us here know exactly what you are feeling, because we've been there. DON'T feel guilty, don't feel "terrible about writing" here, just know that learning as much as you can about alcoholism, and looking after YOURSELF is the best thing you can do--for him, but more importantly, for you.
*nodding in agreement*
When I joined here, I read posts for months because I felt like a traitor for saying anything about my AH. I was doubting myself even defining him as an alcoholic.
Talk to us. Read about other people's experiences. Just hanging out with other people who have gone through similar things does make you feel less alone, less crazy, less powerless. Scout's honors.