You are in the right place.
The details might be different, but ALL of us here know exactly what you are feeling, because we've been there. DON'T feel guilty, don't feel "terrible about writing" here, just know that learning as much as you can about alcoholism, and looking after YOURSELF is the best thing you can do--for him, but more importantly, for you.
Read the stickies above.
Read the posts. You'll see yourself and your ABF in them, and you'll learn.
And memorize the three Cs:
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it