In recovery for 2 years. I am his first relationship. Never relapsed. God took the taste away. He attends meetings, talks to people currently in the program and many of his freinds are in recovery. Not comfortable with this. Not sure why, maybe because I would have nothing common.
He takes meds for depression. He was in an abussive relationship where she emotionally attacked him daily. I just have to be careful to never say anything critical. Always say it in love.
We are an older couple and want to have a child. They maybe difficult at my age, but not impossible. We discuss this often because is really important. I want to get married before we conceive. His unsure if he wants to be married. We are Christains so we are trying to the right thing. This is stressing him too.
He is working on his BA degree, attending classes Mon-Fri. This stressing him too. He has a low wage job that he goes to right after school. Low wages another streesor. He needs a better paying job. I have asked him to fill out applications. Suppose my pregancy requires me to be on bed rest. He can not support us right now. He lives over 2 hours away. Shacking up is out. I always make the trip to see him, so he can study.
There are at least 4 things I have sited that causes him stress. He wants to walk away from everything, except me to reduce the stress.Run not drink. It is my understanding that he is not suppose to have all this stress, but i don't want to walk away because I love him.
He says i don't really understand a person in recovery. Maybe I don't really see him in recovery. He never relapse so i think he is normal. He says he is not. Does this mean that he will never be able to handle more then one stressful situtation? How many years of recovery will he need before he can handle more then one stressor? Am I suppose to wait and just love him, over look my feelings? I don't know how to help him. Should I stay with him? Do I take marriage off the table? Give in and have a child? Do we wait?
I know I have said alot here, but I really can not talk to my family or friends. They have no experience in this situation. Sometimes family and friends will hold things against your mate, out of love for you. So I choose not to talk about this. I am glad i found this forum.
