Hi Twinkle and welcome to SR
Keep reading and posting on SR. Have a look too at the stickies at the top of the page its full useful information. There is one called 'Merry Go Round' that's one of my personal favorites.
However i am frustrated about the blame game he used to play.
Please dont buy into this. The blame game is something all problem drinkers play, its part of the denial that allows them to continue drinking. If only you wasn't a nag about it then they wouldn't drink. My AH used to say things like - well if you weren't so lazy or boring etc then he wouldn't drink. It is how they steer the conversation away from themselves and make it about you. Its a bit like 'whipping the tablecloth away' making a subject out of bounds to talk about. You never feel as though you have sorted out what is bothering you about their drinking because every-time you bring it up, it ends up with you being called boring, lazy, a nag etc.
Of course you are worried about him, its only natural but he doesnt appear to be worried about himself and thats what it is going to take for him to make changes around his drinking.
I am surprised that no one on SR has told you about the 3 c's - You didnt Cause it, cant Control it and cant Cure it. It is a difficult notion to accept but once you do it makes life so much easier for you.
I still feel he hasn't admitted fully he has a problem and still blames others
.
Unfortunately many problem drinkers never admit they have a problem. My AH's dad died (65) on his own in a flat surrounded by empty bottles and pills that he hadn't taken for a heart problem. He was an alcoholic. My own AH initially didn't want this to happen to him so he did go to AA and a psychotherapist for a while but then stopped just before he relapsed. He now believes that he isn't an alcoholic because he cooks and cleans! Alcohol makes them irrational. We (normal drinkers) cant understand their rationality sometimes too, as it doesn't make sense. They seem to add 2 and 2 together and get 'I dont have a problem - its you who has the problem with me!'
My head feels such a mess
Anyone in contact with a problem drinker feels this way. They can be such wonderful people when they are not drinking and yet verbally abuse you the next time they drink. Its mind messing stuff. This is exactly how I felt when I first discovered Al-anon and this website. They both made a huge difference to how I reacted to my AH and made life bearable again. You have to learn to put yourself first and that takes some doing.
As I said, keep reading and posting, learn what you can and maybe you will see that you have got away lightly. Spend some of your time focusing on you and what you need/deserve in your life by the way of a loving and stable bf.