Thanks Codie. I guess I have a problem with being considered an enabler, based on stuff I've read. I don't feel that I enable. I don't buy him booze, I don't call his job to say he can't come in because he's sick, I handle the household stuff because that is one of my functions in this domestic partnership since I am retired and have time to do it.
I do admit that I will wake him up if he's fallen asleep (due to drinking) and I know he has to be somewhere (and I've often gotten yelled at for not waking him up soon enough) but if I didn't wake him up I would take a major ration of you-know-what, so I consider that self-preservation. I think I need to read up some more on enabling, etc. I honestly don't know what I can do differently to expect a better outcome, or how I can protect myself from his nasty attitude when he's drinking without locking myself in my car and just turning up the radio. I try to not engage him when he's drinking and try to avoid any conversation but when the man comes home from work and is already starting to drink, it becomes an option that is not really do-able.