thanks all so much again to everyone. Just got done with my first Alanon meeting. I managed not to burst into tears at any point (just sat pretty teary eyed through the whole thing) and plan to go back tomorrow. I didn't talk at all (just read one of the 12 traditions when it was my turn) but got a lot out of hearing others talk. I am hoping that between this forum and that I will be able to work out some of my muddled thoughts and find peace.