Thumper and I think alike. The most peace I have is when I am not talking to XAH. How he responds to me from one day to the next is never consistent and the days he chooses to make me feel guilty are days that leave me feeling angry and bitter. So, since I don't know when those will be, I choose to keep communication to texting or, if it must be a phone call, to a minimum with boundaries.
BTW - have you read Co-Dependent No More? Beaty has a really interesting take on how the A numbs anger and stress with alcohol but codies are left to stew in their anguish. Makes a lot of sense.