I had a long post but really what it boils down to is this.
If not drinking is his simple answer, maybe not talking to the drinker is yours. No contact can clear away enormous amounts of confusion and rational thoughts will come - I promise!
They say the best revenge is to live a good life.
Some ways I get validation..... 1) Coming to SR, where people really understand. 2) Recognizing that I wouldn't trade my life for his for even 10 minutes. 3) Owning the hard road I came down. I did feel broken and like a mess at times but I'm still here, I'm still me - a smarter and wiser me no less. I will not be defined by my life as an alcoholics wife or an ex wife. I refuse to allow myself to think in those terms. 4) Focus on myself. His life (good, bad, better, sober, drunk, happy, sad, real, fake, rich, poor, peaceful, or chaotic) is not a barometer of mine. Not any more.
You work on you just like you work on anything else. You show up. You do one thing that moves you in the right direction, and then one more thing, and you don't have to know what the 5th thing is - you'll know what it is when you get there.
So today, what is one thing you can do that will increase your own inner serenity?
I'm pondering this for myself now too. I'm going to think of one thing I can do as well.