Omgosh, Lexie...
I'm Romanticizing, Disecting, Conducting Autopsy, Personal Inventory, and Dr. Phil'in It...To DEATH. (Not Insensetive of you; Much Appreciated!) I See how I went right into a codependency roll...I could be the "healthy" caregiver, voice of reason, and Control with my Boundaries, Requirements, & by being the straight man (aka: Rational One) in the (CHAOS) "comedy routine" equation.) need to really sort that & figure out how easily I slipped right into Co-Dependent Control Freak?!! I had limited eye-ball to eye ball expiate to the active boozing; The physical altercation happened on the 1 time I was present while he had slipped out & chugged. Spent Alot of time with the post-Binge, the hangover , etc. He did not openly drink in front of me. When Fully Sober...Truly, an Incredible man. Could charm the pants off a hardened cynic. Bottom line: and this just came to me...He Will ALWAYS be just 1 drink away?...and although when Good, it was pretty GREAT...I Will Never be willing to go back to Post- "1 Drink". I didn't Like Myself, Lost Myself, & Revolved around it: All while being Codependent & Controlling (I believe).
It was a true, brief, Fairy Tale....with a very very High personal Price, & completely & willingly?...Loosing myself to the abundance of illness that went along with it all. (that's what I think right now.
gimme 5 minutes & I'll sort out the Devils Advocate side that would be the perpetual Love-Fest...!) Big HUGE Hugs, & My Deepest Thanks.