New to this site ...
Hello everyone. Okay, I'll just tell it how it is. I am married to the father of a beautiful girl whose mother is alcoholic. My stepdaughter is 12 now, and we have been married for 8 years. My husband left her mother when she was just 3 years old, as he couldn't take any more. His ex was a heroin addict, but she recovered from that and became an alcoholic.
We have many issues, mainly though our concerns are centred around her care of his daughter. We are in the UK, and have involved Social Services many times, but they don't do anything because they simply believe mum when she says she isn't alcoholic.
Just recently we've had cause to involve them again. Mum is epileptic, that epilepsy being caused through alcoholism. She is poorly controlled on Epilim (Sodium Valproate) and fits regularly. A year ago her GP told her she has to stop drinking otherwise she will die, but she has not done so. Very recently she was hospitalised due to 2 very bad fits, and has told my stepdaughter that she must stop drinking because the alcohol doesn't mix with her tablets. However, she hasn't stopped drinking and has changed her story to she has to drink as it's not safe to stop, and is therefore drinking a can of lager a day (at least that's what she's told her daughter).
My stepdaughter is neglected to a certain degree. Constant headlice are a problem, and always have been. We do our bit, but once a fortnight, when we have contact with her, isn't enough to keep them at bay. My stepdaughter often arrives for contact dirty and smelling too, but Social Services have told us that these are not causes for concern. We are pushing Social Services to do a more in depth assessment of her drinking, and to contact her GP, but they are saying there is no need.
We contact the National Association for Children of Alcoholics a few months ago and obtained literature and leaflets for my stepdaughter, which she has read but has handed back.
It's a very difficult situation. My husband's ex partner is not easy to get on with and her life is chaotic and unpredictable. She is unable to cope with day to day issues, and falls short in many areas of parenting, particularly financially. She doesn't work, never has done and so relies on benefits. She is adept at lying and covering her tracks, and my stepdaughter is fiercely loyal to her mother, protective of her. We understand that, and appreciate it and have read up on how children of alcoholics behave. My stepdaughter is the parent in their relationship, her mother is the child.
We just don't know where to turn or what to do. If we were to apply to the Family Courts for residency my stepdaughter would say she wishes to stay with her mother. We do provide her with respite however, fortnightly and for half of all school holidays, in a home where drugs and alcohol are not used and she is free to be a child, without any responsibility. Oh, mum also uses drugs daily, mainly cannabis.
I've come here for advice, or to meet others in the same position. It's like banging your head against a brick wall for most of the time, but we are so worried about this little girl and don't know what else we can do to protect her.
Thanks for reading this.