I know that contributed to his decline: I am Not Responsible for His Behavior. But I didnt help prevent the bad choices to much either!
Well, it seems like you are starting to understand that you are codependent, by mentioning that you are not responsible for his behavior. That's doing some good work. But remember that choices are "behavior", too. And you can do
nothing to prevent bad choices, any more than bad behavior.
My struggle is Why am I so hung up on Such a Train Wreck, that would ultimately, plow me down if I had stayed, and WTH was I thinking? How Stooopid....And, I Love him.
You are hung up on a train wreck because you wanted to fulfill your need to control or fix someone else. I have been codependent all my life, which means that it isn't about
them, it is about
me. Or, more directly, it doesn't matter
who I put in my life, addicted or normal, I will still do codependent things. I am codependent to non-alcoholics and non-addicts...perfectly normal people. People who are
not trying to use me.
These normal people often have to politely tell me I am "doing too much", "That's okay, you've done enough, it's fine, you don't need to do anymore"...or, when they get desperate, "
STOP!"
I know now, that a couple of stints in the pokie, & residential confinement kinda make anyone find "Jeezus!" or Buddah, or a Spiritual compass?...but I believed in him.
Well, my alcoholic side is speaking now, I am a codie and a recovering alcoholic....I meet people in the rooms of AA who have gone through the revolving doors of rehab and served time, sometimes several times, and slept through those kinds of wake up calls. Maybe people will talk the talk and say they have seen the light, but, I have not seen that the vast majority of rehab graduates insist they are dramatically changed. Many say nothing happened at all, many are frustrated that they don't feel any change at all.