I keep telling myself that a true "breakthrough" for her will be when she decides to get help for herself, without any prodding from me or without requesting any reciprocal promises or commitments...when she's doing it for herself and no other reason. I didn't fully appreciate how difficult it was going to be to hold firm with myself on this, even after filing for divorce; it's painful to see all the grief in her eyes.
At the same time, my neck is still sore from three days ago when she kept trying to forcibly take a video camera away from me so I'm not easily forgetting recent events. And yet I already miss our good days. Such a strange dynamic.