Originally Posted by
Julesandshoes 
(I did just about Everything to Push him twords THAT bad decision: I dug my heels in & would NOT move home, until he committed to recovery. I understand that my lack of presence, contributed Greatly, to ALOT of his Bad Choices.)
You need to stop beating yourself up for the choices he made. You can't take responsibility for something he does or doesn't do. They're HIS choices and he would've made the same ones regardless where you were.
I know alot of relationships (mine included) that have been greatly affected by alcoholism but you seem to have started right smack in the middle of his and its been down hill for YOU from then on. I hope I'm not being too blunt, but your relationship sounds very unhealthy for you. It's kind of hard for me to say that because I was the addict in my relationship, but what was it about him that attracted you to him besides a past relationship w/ him when you two were kids and that you now have similar goals?
And what goals could they've been? They couldn't have been that similar.
Maybe time to scratch that from the list??
I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are.
Heartache is very painful.
But in my opinion...instead of blaming yourself for the actions he's chosen to make..you need to pat yourself in the back for sticking to your guns and not giving in. Good for you!
Sometimes love just isn't enough and I think this is true in your relationship.
It sounds like he's been in his own downfall for a while and you walked right in it.
You're pain is gonna take time to heal...but I have a feeling you'll take a sigh of relief when the smoke clears and realize you've dodged a bullet.
I hope you feel better soon...