I just wanted to add... I have known XAH for 22 years... More than half my life. He NEVER delivers everything he says he will, just pieces and parts. I have come to think of him as my "slot machine man". You drop in your hopes and dreams.... Hope for the big payout... And he sucks you dry. Once in awhile, he will reward you just enough to keep you coming home or answering the phone (the bonus spin) but you will soon be absolutely broke if you keep playing the game. I have loved this man for so long, i suspect i will always love him... But i recognize after all this time he has not progressed past 17 years old!!! He is angry and volatile and dangerous to himself and others. He will never never be capable of having an honest relationship with me. He will never be the guy who can spend evenings at home or holidays with my family. We will never have a child together. We will never travel or try new things. It's all this and more. For me... The idea of what might be is not enough to make up for the way it is and the way it has been. I am learning we all find our own way. At some point you will decide what is enough for you. The final awakwning for me came when i quit crying and stopped caring.
SR has helped so much to open my eyes and reinforce that i am right about xah. Sometimes i am strong... Sometimes i am weak... Ultimately my first and only duty is to my child and myself.
Be well!!! You will find friends here. Bet on you.