Hi Jakers,
I'm a recovering alcoholic and normally do not post here in F&F, but your story moved me to post instead of passing as usual.
It's truly sad that you're dealing with someone who is as you described, and unfortunate still that I was the same as that someone before.
Recovery from alcoholism is a struggle for those who want it and I'd say impossible for those who don't. I drank for many reasons and one was to drown my feelings for I didn't know how to deal with them, so it was easier to just try to drown them out. Many alcoholics drink for this reason and that makes us terrible partners in any relationship. I'd love to say all will work out as you desire, but the truth is most often not that way. You stated that you've given all you could and what's sadly true is that most who love alcoholics do the same and end up with an empty basket to show for it. My ex-wife did and although we are on good terms today, my use of alcohol killed our relationship, shattered it beyond repair and your story sounds so similar it hurts me to read it.
I don't have any answers to offer and hope others respond shortly to help you begin to find your way again. I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this and let you know some of us do recover, but it takes tons of time and struggle and is an ongoing process, so it may be best to start working on you and let him follow his path alone. Only then will you find yourself and have a chance to build a new life.