Now that I'm thinking - his big attracters to me were smart and fun. He thought I was pretty but I don't think he was looking for a certain look, or wealth. That actually makes me feel a little better because smart and fun isn't necessarily shallow. Thanks guys.
Wicked...to further answer your question - am I thinking codependant = defective? hmmmm. I feel like everyone else does.
I guess I do think that to a degree. It is really hard and embarrassing when you grow up with a self-centered single parent who has abused you and shoved into your psyche that it's your job to caretake them and if you don't, they abuse you and neglect you and abandon you. it's all you've known. And then here you are in your 30's trying to understand that someone else's problems aren't your fault and aren't your problems to take care of and it's like the old movie "Invasion of the body snatchers." People point and scream "AUUUUUGGGGGGG codependent!!" lol.