Thread: My Sanctuary
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Old 01-22-2011, 03:07 PM
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Smithers
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 18
Smile My Sanctuary

I would like to start by saying that I am going through a period of personal change. In my family, I have been the one to care for my mother, stick up for her and tell everyone that she will get better at some point. I would be the one to pick her up from the police station when she got arrested (very humiliating), drive her (damaged) car home when she couldn't anymore. Support her emotionally even when she was totally blitzed. Deal with her fits of unfounded rage when she was drunk and weathering the countless storms of her absurd insults and accusations.
Now I'm slowly but surely beginning to realize that the likelihood of her condition to improve is actually very slim, that I need to grab the reigns of my own life and that it's ok for me not to come home every weekend and that I don't have to feel guilty about it when I don't (I am 22 and go to college, I live about 45 mins away from home). That doesn't change the fact that it is still very difficult for me to distance myself from my mother, who, despite all her personal issues, is still a wonderfully loving, intelligent and simply a great person. I still sometimes feel that I'm abandoning her and that is very difficult. I also know that it will always be tough for me to watch this beautiful and once successful woman go under like a sinking ship. I will always love her and be there for her, but she will drag me down with her if I stay as close as I was even just a few weeks ago.

That is where you (together with the help of my shrink) come in. I find it empowering to read the stories of people dealing with loved ones that turn their lives upside down and yet are still capable living them with some degree of enjoyment. And that (some of) you are even able to continue to love those crazy alcoholics in spite of all that. It takes a lot of thought and contemplation to realize that distancing yourself does not automatically mean severing all ties and burning bridges. It takes a lot of energy to deal with problems that aren't yours, and that honestly you should not even have to worry about in the first place. It is exhausting to feel the weight of all those issues coming down on you while you feel that crushing force. In fact to me that becomes so tiring at times that there are days where it is hard for me to wake up in the morning. But every time that happens I turn on my computer and and visit this website, and gather inspiration from people that are fiercely working on evaluating and drawing up their boundaries, and taking the advice from those that have already done so. I'm also still working on that.

So thank you everyone! I believe that as friends and family members of alcoholics, we all deserve a pat on the back!
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