Hello, BlackLizrd, and welcome to this forum.
My heart goes out to you.
It's always difficult - impossible really - to truly discern when we hear only one person's viewpoint.
But...here are some of my thoughts.
Have you seen the movie, "When a Man Loves a Woman"?
He could not change and grow when his wife got sober, he could not handle the feelings of abandonment he experienced when she left to find her new life.
His whole life centered around his alcoholic wife; he loved her to the moon and back, and now she had left him to go get new friends and not be at home with her family. Maybe she would never come back?
I myself am just starting to try and work on abandonment stuff.
if we, as infants, do not experience a "secure attachment", which I guess around 40% of us do not, we WILL have issues that arise in our future attachments.
I suspect this is going on with you.
This is NOT a criticism; it is something you may choose to look at. It feels horrible to have the one we love walk away and not show us the love we yearn for.
We can fix this.
I would suggest continuing to work on your own "recovery".
Continue to attend al-anon, if for nothing else to surround yourself with recovery people, and make maybe one or two friends from the circle that understands you.
Try to minimize your resentments by perhaps getting a sitter sometimes, setting up a weekly date night with your wife, getting your own hobby or book study or something that your will find enjoyment in.
Continue to come here!
We care.