I feel the same way. My R?ABF says he's recovering. I have witnessed more moments of sobriety from him. I had a dream last night that he was hiding his bottles in yet another place. I woke up a little mad about that. I'm over it now.
But I know. We have taken steps to mend our little family, and if R?ABF comes back home to stay even one night, I fear myself looking for all those things you listed. I don't think I'm ready for him to come back yet. I want to move forward, but I'm trying to find the steps that will be comfortable for me, and then for the family.
I'm walking right beside you on this one. Maybe we'll find that one right step that will open the door for us to be set free.