Got news for you ........................... she's NEVER GOING TO DO IT 'YOUR WAY.' No matter what 'your way' is.
So, maybe the issue for you is to start looking at your 'control issues.'
My mom was that way with my dad and my sister and I. The jobs got done, but if it wasn't 'her way' the chit still hit the fan.
As an adult I started to 'mimic' her, especially after I found recovery from Alcoholism. By the time I hit AlAnon at 3 years sober I was starting to realize that 'my way' wasn't necessarily the only way and I WAS DRIVING MYSELF INSANE. So I had to look at me, what did it matter if an employee didn't do it 'my way' but the job got done. What did it matter if my husband didn't do a repair or a chore 'my way' but the job got done. etc
I had to learn to delegate and then let go. When hubby was layed off and collecting unemployment he took over some of the household chores, like laundry, vacuuming, etc Didn't do it 'my way' but the clothes were clean, and the dust was gone, so ............... I bit my tongue and looked within me and learned to say 'thank you.'
It takes practice, practice, practice like any other habit I want to change.
Oh and btw, as I slowly learned to change me, others actions and reactions toward me also changed.
Hope that helps a bit.
Love and hugs,
ps The return of trust also takes time, and as trust returns I believe 'your way' will not matter so much, as your AW figures out the best system for her to function sober and clean.