Originally Posted by
StarCat 
In short, concentrating solely on THEM is a bad idea, a delaying tactic, and slows down your own recovery.
Concentrating on them just enough to determine what YOU want to do with the rest of the relationship, however, can help you move forward with your own recovery, with at least some idea of your hopes and dreams for the future.
I understand where you're coming from and I agree to an extent. However, the longer I live, the more I realize my crystal ball is defective. None of us knows what will happen tomorrow, much less 10 years from now.
Hopes and dreams are wonderful, if they are a driving force for action TODAY. Other than that, they are only speculation. The hopes and dreams I had 10 years ago are completely different than the hopes and dreams I have today. That's life. It's an unexpected adventure that takes you places you never would have dreamed.
GG's talking about someone who is already and EX. Nearly every thread she has started since she came to SR has been about HIM. I believe it is much more productive to focus on where to go from here than where we have been. If you are constantly looking the the rear view mirror, you will crash.
L