Dear CLW,
I'm caught up now. It took me awhile to read all the additions to this thread. I hope you'll resist the urge to make drinking jokes if you get upset at something someone says.
I suspect you have a misunderstanding about the word 'trigger' on these threads. When there is a hot topic that has information on it that can be tied to a high-intensity problem (i.e. the family disease of alcoholism) and it stirs strong emotions, a poster may use the word 'trigger'. Your situation is highly charged with emotional situations.
But, you're the one living it, and I commend you for taking the steps you have so far in making you feel better.
I cannot stress more how your education about this Family Disease will benefit you, and then in turn, your family. Your baby girl has already been affected, and you probably haven't been able to see it yet. Now, she will be able to write in our ACOA group when she becomes an adult. Even if her daddy never takes another drink or line or woman.
This is a very serious situation you're in.
When you described your hubby as a sullen, negative thinker even in positivity, I could only call to mind all the alcoholics I've known. Even the publicly jovial ones. And when I read that description in The Big Book, it made more sense.
Your RAH is selfish and self-centered, thus is the nature of the alcoholic, whether wet or dry. Don't paint a different picture. It would be a lie. And you don't seem to be a liar, just ill-informed.
Take heart. People are here with good intentions. These are loving people. Please learn the part about acceptance, and you won't want to lash out like you did.