I think for me it was the fact that over time I had let my relationships with others define me, rather than compliment me. I was a mother and a wife and a worker and a home owner, but somewhere in there I lost the fact that I was a person first.
When things began to go south ( marraige, addict son etc) it took me with it, because after all it meant I had failed right?
The logical and natural thing to do when you allow something to define you (as I had) is to try to control. I didn't want control either, but I did hang on to ( and attemp to manipulate) what I felt controlled me.
I'm not sure if that makes sense, except in my own head lol