Abuse is abuse, no matter how you slice it, whether there's alcohol involved or not- it's the same. And trying to rationalize or figure out someone's drunken behavior is a dead end.
Drunks always have their finger pointed in the opposite direction. It can be the other person in the room, to the clerk at the grocery store, to the mail man; someone else other than them is really messed up and at fault for everything.
Ah, yes, this is her. Okay, that makes sense, it is totally her blaming someone or thinking someone is not good enough for no reason. I just wondered if it is the disease that makes her think everyone is a piece of ****? or is that actually her own personality.
I would get therapy and/or read books on healing from childhood abuse as quickly as possible. And I highly recommend reading alot of ACOA literature, there are a lot of characteristics and self-defeating lifestyle patterns that ACOA's inherit that aren't obvious.
I just started alanon, (and have done years of therapy to help improve some of my inability to get though life due to one nasty jackass), but had to stop therapy for lack of insurance, but maybe i should go to my local hospital and see if they'll let me do a sliding scale fee to get mental health. It's quite an effort to go through the process of getting low cost help there though.
One book I recommend is called 'Becoming Your Own Parent' by Dennis Wholley. I cried, I mean *bawled*, when I first read it and it opened up a lot of doors and a new sense of self for me.
i'll look into that one. I ordered a handful of acoa books a few days ago, i can't wait for them to get here. : )
I hope you are able to realize soon that you are not at fault and you don't have to carry the guilt and the shame for one second longer.
Fortunately i totally know it wasn't my fault. The woman was 100% freak. what a nasty lady. I'm just finding it hard understand the "disease" not knowing what is part of the disease and what part is just being a mean jerk. Although, maybe those who are nasty arrogant mean jerks are more likely to think they're too good to get help, and i suspect she also had 4 children just to be an a--hole because honestly, i have never met anyone with 4 kids from 4 different fathers who had no money. It's a self-centered thing to do, so i guess she is just naturally a self-centered ahole who is also and alcoholic.
*sigh* the world would be such a better place if these people would just go away, aka, drop dead. It's too bad alcoholics don't die faster, it would be so much easier on people, and the medical system. Overall, they are just too damn costly.