I'm an alcoholic and an addict and I've done more than my fair share of being mean, rude, belittiling and just being a jerk. We alcoholics do hold a lot of resentment toward others so that is one reason we are such a-holes in our disease. Another reason that I myselt didn't understand until I got into recovery is that most of all we have problems with ourselves. I always thought that I would change if I just stopped boozing and using, that alcohol and drugs were my problem. In recovery I learned different. I was my problem, the alcohol and drugs were just my solution for the problem that lied between my ears.
I've always been self conscience of myself, I've always had a low self esteem, I've never felt that I measured up to societies standards and I've never felt that I fit in. When I drank or used it drowned out the voices in my head and took away my insecurity. One of the drawbacks to hiring from your issues and fears in that way as opposed to facing them is that you become a different person. Often a person that people don't particularly care for. For me I became a very selfish and thoughtless person. When I wasn't drunk or stoned I was even worse because I didn't feel how I wanted to feel, normal. All I cared about was getting drunk and stoned and it didn't matter who I hurt or how many I hurt. I hurt many people in the course of my disease, people I love and care for. I lied to people I love about many things, what I was doing (drugs and drinking) and money. It didn't matter to me because I just wanted to get my next fix. I neglected my kids and I wasn't completely faithful to my wife.
The point is that I did a lot of things in my disease that I would never do today. It's not just because I'm sober because I've gotten sober before without my program. Like I said alcohol and drugs weren't my problem, I was my problem. I got into AA and started working the steps. Working the steps has helped me to solve and face my problems. When I sobered up before without my program I was still the same A-hole I was before, the only difference was that I was sober. I hope this helps you out as far as giving you a better understanding of alcoholics. Hope everything works out for the best for you.