Hi Codie, I used to have an XABF that did similar things. I could not believe it and sadly I had to leave him, I had moved to another city for work and also to live with him. It is horrible and I felt VERY alone, thought no one would ever understand how I was feeling.
We call it the Jekyll and Mr Hyde syndrome, unfortunately Jekyll is so charming and attractive, but I agree with the above poster, it is all a show so you stay for more, and endure his abuse. Because it is abuse. In society we don't like to say those words, but here I have learned to say it as it is and yes I am afraid XABF and your BF are both alcoholics and also abusers.
I left 2 years ago and the road has not been easy as I work with him everyday but you know what? He is exactly the same he has always been! he got himself someone else right away (as many alcoholics do) and I can only imagine what happens behind close doors. He never accepted an ounce of all he said, all he did, all he hurt.
If I had stayed I would only have had 2 more years of stress, forced sex, crazy making, insults, yelling, danger driving with a drunk driver, crying afterwards and promising "not to do it ever again" "cut back on drinking" etc. etc. Words mean nothing, actions are the ones that count. And in case of XABF actions showed he was troubled and had no intent at all to stop drinking and change. He still thinks he is a mini God and started arriving to work still drunk. Before, it was a hangover. Now he is still drunk at 9 AM. This is progressive and chronic. They will always be alcoholics and will get worse if they are not in AA & counseling and totally determined to recovery.
What are your BF actions telling you..?
Neither you nor I deserve abuse, we deserve peace, and friendship and joy, and good times. The book "codependent no more" by Melody Beatty is great help, I hope you can get yourself a copy! hugs!!