I am new here and learning, never realized I was a "codie" didn't even know what that was. I do know that my first marriage was to a controlling, jealous, drug user who never had any faults, (just ask him). Anything and everything that went wrong was someone elses fault. I was scared of him and what he might do, yet I hung in there hoping he would change. He did not change, but I did. I am embarrased to say I wasted 25 years of my life being under his control. It wasn't until I got away and looked back that I could see the picture more clearly and it was not good and was never going to get better.