Old 01-18-2011, 12:57 PM
  # 169 (permalink)  
LaTeeDa
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Originally Posted by stella27 View Post
clw, believe it or not, most of us have been where you are. Not with the adultery or coke in my case (to my knowledge, anyway - anything is possible in the course of the dishonest life I was inhabiting, though), but with drinking and bad decisions and little children.

Many have seen contrition and shame and swearing it would never happen again. And it doesn't have to happen again. It may not. We all want you to be right, for your marriage's sake and for the sake of your baby daughter.

But please, please, please make YOURSELF the priority. Not his getting help or his counseling. That's what happens in all alcoholic relationships - they become all about the Alcoholic. He gets the car, the time away from the family, the counseling, the attention, the focus, the hope, the help, the prayers, the support. And he may relapse or he may not, but in the meantime YOU (the non-alcoholic) put all your needs on the back-burner, waiting for him to come home.

That isn't fair to you or your child, and I promise you, that should the addiction overtake him (again), you will be in a really sorry position.

Al-anon is for YOU. To grow strong. To take care of yourself. To enable you to not just set those boundaries, but enforce them should the need arise.

Please don't dismiss what we all know from our own experience.
Best post on this thread, IMHO.

That's because, looking back with my 20/20 hindsight, I see myself and all the mistakes I made being played out again right before my eyes.

I didn't need help--he was the one with the problem. If "we" could just get his problem under control, then "we" would be okay. Me? My only problem was that I married an alcoholic. Other than that, I was just fine, thank you very much.

I only wish I would have realized sooner about taking care of myself, letting him own his own stuff, and dealing with my own stuff. I could have avoided much pain.

But, hey, we all learn our lessons at our own pace......

L
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