Originally Posted by
cutelittlewife 
FormerDoormat - if you see my previous posts you'll see, that I changed. I have a clear boundary now and he knows he can't cross it or that's it for us. The ball's in his court now. I'm good and happy with myself. Don't mean to sound snotty or anything, but I truly am comfortable with myself, my life and choices. He has yet to get there and I'm there for him should he need my help.
And yeah, Alanon... I don't think I'll warm up to them. I'll try to go again, but now him going to his meetings and to his counseling is definitely our priority and with the baby and only one car - we have to choose. Also, I get to watch lame movies we'd never watch together when he's at meetings, so it's a win-win.
clw, believe it or not, most of us have been where you are. Not with the adultery or coke in my case (to my knowledge, anyway - anything is possible in the course of the dishonest life I was inhabiting, though), but with drinking and bad decisions and little children.
Many have seen contrition and shame and swearing it would never happen again. And it doesn't have to happen again. It may not. We all want you to be right, for your marriage's sake and for the sake of your baby daughter.
But please, please, please make YOURSELF the priority. Not his getting help or his counseling. That's what happens in all alcoholic relationships - they become all about the Alcoholic. He gets the car, the time away from the family, the counseling, the attention, the focus, the hope, the help, the prayers, the support. And he may relapse or he may not, but in the meantime YOU (the non-alcoholic) put all your needs on the back-burner, waiting for him to come home.
That isn't fair to you or your child, and I promise you, that should the addiction overtake him (again), you will be in a really sorry position.
Al-anon is for YOU. To grow strong. To take care of yourself. To enable you to not just set those boundaries, but enforce them should the need arise.
Please don't dismiss what we all know from our own experience.
